Many self-help books work on the basis of common sensical knowledge that we as humans so often forget. Don Ruiz’s rendition of spiritual freedom in the book The Four Agreements was nothing short of this. The book began by providing some context on who the Toltec’s were (a Mexican society) and how the wisdom of this civilization’s naguals (masters of knowledge) has been passed on to the world. As with most of the other self-help guides that populate my bookshelf, I tend to stray away from those that are focused on spiritual and/or religious based healing due to my own subjective preferences and beliefs. So choosing to read this book, for me, was quite a new terrain. The book began by claiming that the ideas set forth in it were not religious but indeed were spiritual which I was very open to hearing more about. Though, as the book went on, there were countless referrals to “God” and the book even ended with a whole chapter entitled “Prayers”. So, for anyone looking for a self-help book that focuses more on mental health, self-development, etc. without mention of divine spirits and God I would suggest looking elsewhere.
Nevertheless, the agreements set forth in the book are quite straightforward and are surely a helpful tool that everyone can apply to their lives. The word “agreement”, as Ruiz refers to in the book, essentially works on the basis that we as humans subconsciously abide by principles that we have agreed upon in one way or another. So, you may be wondering, what’s the issue with that? Everyone needs rules right? Well, conflict arises when these agreements no longer serve us beneficially, and instead become self-limiting beliefs that deter us from achieving personal freedom. For instance, when I was younger and our family had company over my father was always adamant on us dressing and behaving our best. Pretty normal right? Well without objecting, I subconsciously made the agreement with myself that I must impress others but at such a young age I didn’t truly understand what I was agreeing to- I just put on a fancy dress. So, over time, whenever I had friends over and received compliments it strengthened the validity of this agreement and it soon became a principle that I lived by. So much so, that now if someone were to critique me, or adversely, if I didn’t try to impress anyone at all I would feel inherently bad because I am violating my agreement. Take a second and list any of the agreements that you may have made with yourself, or others, that no longer serves you well so you can start to make changes to serve YOU better.
In an attempt to now combat these false beliefs, Ruiz recommends that everyone adopt four new ones. Listed below are the four agreements as well as my take on them to conclude the blog,
1. Be impeccable with your word. Or in other words, choose your words wisely. Too often do I find myself unable to express how I truly feel through words but it is important that we always try. Communication is truly everything.
2. Don’t take anything personally. As someone who is extremely sensitive, this is most definitely a challenging task to accomplish because the words and actions of others can hurt deeply. One excerpt from the book that spoke strongly to me claims,
“we must forgive those we feel have wronged us, not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because we love ourselves so much we don’t want to keep paying for the injustice” (Ruiz, 2018).
3. Don’t make assumptions. Often when we are unable to communicate with others and seek the clarification or answers we so desperately need we turn to making our own conclusions. This coping mechanism may provide temporary relief but it also feeds into the formation of false beliefs because, after all, you ASSUMED them to be true and made a judgement.
“Now imagine living your life without judging others. You can easily forgive others and let go of any judgements that you have. You don’t have the need to be right, and you don’t need to make anyone else wrong. You respect yourself and everyone else, and they respect you in return” (Ruiz, 2018).
4. Always do your best- in EVERYTHING you do. That way, no matter what mistakes you make in life you will never carry guilt- you will know that you have done everything in your power to TRY. That is all anyone really can do.
References:
Ruiz, M., & Mills, J. (2008). The four agreements. Thorndike, Me.: Center Point Pub.
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